Never Thought
by Gemjj
Summary: Summer and Ryan
1. Chapter 1

Title: Never Thought I'd Be Here

Summary: People get a little lonely sometimes.

Pairing: Summer/Ryan

It was an undeniably wrong emotion. _Very wrong_.

But my god, he was so drunk it didn't even matter anymore, still, a sense or relief flooded him as he felt small hands push against him; pushing him away.

"Oh, God…" her breathlessness sent shivers down his spine, "oh, God… we can't…"

_We can_, his mind screamed… although maybe it wasn't his mind, maybe it was his growing erection in his pants.

With both reluctance and relief he let her push him away, and watched in agony as she turned away from his gaze, tears already showing in her eyes.

"What are we doing?" He heard her whisper, her voice still sounding damn right sexy.

"I think that's pretty obvious, Summer –" he hoped he didn't sound too drunk… or like he still wanted her so badly, even though he still did.

She turned back to face him, a scowl on her face, "shut it, Chino." Her voice was viciously callous, but instantly she sighed and her look softened, "Sorry, I just… I mean – "

"Seth." Ryan stated. Knowing everything had been messed up by that bottle of vodka they had shared… among other alcoholic substances.

"Cohen," her eyes locked with his, he could see them fill with regret.

Ryan swallowed, "it was just a kiss, Summer. A drunken kiss," he prayed for the blood to return back to his head and away from his lower regions, he needed his head to be clear, to rationalise the situation. "He needn't know, ever." His brother would never forgive him.

Summer cocked her head to one side, her eyes had misted over and he could no longer tell what she was thinking. Slowly, she nodded, "yes. We are drunk. We probably wont even remember any of this, the amount we've drunk."

He didn't think he should tell her that the shock of what they had done – probably were about to do – had sobered him up; and she looked pretty clear-headed now too.

She was still balancing out the situation, "and Marissa would never know either; because we'd both agree there's nothing to know." She stepped closer, "we're just… comforting each other…"

Ryan struggled to swallow, Summer was licking her lips and she took another tentative step towards him.

"They'd never know."

Her words kicked in, they'd never know. The way she was saying it… the look in her eye…

She looked nervous as she watched for his response. Nervous, yet the look in her eye was undoubtedly telling him this was what she wanted.

"I need this, Ryan."

He looked to the floor, he couldn't look into those precious eyes and tell her no; "a minute ago you were the one saying 'we can't'."

"It's not like I'm cheating on him, he broke up with me! … this would just be the clear-cut end; game over for sure. They'd be no more Seth and Summer if we…if we did this."

He sighed, "it's not what you really want, Summer."

"Yes. Yes it is." She had never sounded so sure, "I want you."

He smiled slightly, "thanks, but I meant game over with you and Seth – it's not what you really want."

She shrugged and looked to the floor. And no one had he ever wanted more.

"Ah, fuck it."

With an impressively smooth action for a person that had drunk so much alcohol, he swiftly stepped forward, cupped her chin in his and, bringing her face up to meet his and forced their lips to meet once again in a delicious kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan was shocked to see Marissa sitting outside the pool house. She was sitting with her head in her hands, on hearing his greeting, she looked up and he could see the tears in her eyes.

"Hey - what's wrong?"

He shook her head, and looked the other way, "I can't tell you."

"What? Why not? Were still friends, right?" They hadn't been boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time now, he still considered Marissa a friend, obviously she felt differently…. Oh no, Summer must have told her about -

"No, its not that, Ryan. It's just…," she sighed, "today has been a really hard day for me… I just needed someone to talk to about it. Only now I'm here, I don't think I should."

Ryan just raised his eyebrows, he wasn't about to corner her for more information, she obviously had just wanted to see a friendly face.

Marissa let out another heavy sigh. "Can we go inside?"

"Sure," they both stood and he opened the pool house door for her and then followed her in shutting the door behind them.

"You can't tell anyone about this - most definitely not Seth." She began as she perched on the edge of his bed.

Ryan stayed standing, "why not Seth?" He talked with his brother about almost anything. Well, except that night with Summer three months ago. From that drunken night, he and Summer had seen very little of each other, both avoiding the other like they had the plague.

"It's just…" Marissa looked at her feet, "God, I'm breaking my promise by telling you this, but this is something I need help with, so as to help her."

Ryan was becoming increasingly curious, "Marissa, just tell me."

"Ok, it's Summer."

Ryan gulped, uh oh, she does know -

"I went someplace with her today… to do something… in the end, she couldn't do it. And I don't know how to help her." A few tears escaped, and Marissa turned to look at Ryan.

Ryan shook his head, "I don't know what you're staying…"

"God, Ryan…," Marissa stood and began pacing, "she's my best friend, and she's always been there for me - she's the strong one, for God's sake! I keep asking myself, if this was the other way around, what would Summer be telling me? - But I don't know what she'd be telling me, she just had a way of fixing things, making me feel better. She'd always help me fix things, but I just can't help her fix this…" She finally stopped pacing and turned back to face Ryan, "help me fix her."

"Marissa, you are going to have to be more clear on what this is about?"

"Summer's pregnant."

Summer's pregnant. Ryan's world stopped.

"She wont tell me who the father is, all she says is it's not Seth. She's about two months gone, we went out of town today to get rid of it, only she couldn't go through with it."

Ryan was only vaguely listening, three months? He gulped, "the father…?"

"She really wont say. She said he's been through a lot in his life and he didn't need this, so she hasn't even told him. Apparently, things are finally going his way and she doesn't want to wreck his life. That's why… that's why she wanted to get rid of it."

Ryan was struck for words, Marissa was obviously waiting for something wise to come out the way she was looking at him. "What should I tell her?... She's broken, Ryan. This is Summer, the strongest person I know, and this is tearing her apart."

"Tell her, she needs to tell the guy."

"She wont, she's -"

Ryan cut in, "She needs to tell the guy."

Marissa sat down next to him and once again put her head in her hands, "I hope I can get her through this."

"Marissa, is that you?" Summer swung her bedroom door open, and seeing on who was at the other side of the door she stopped dead. "Ryan… hi."

"You're dad let me in." He stated, looking directly into her eyes. Marissa had been right, he could see it in her soul, she really was being torn apart.

She turned and went back into her room, "So, what do I owe this pleasure?"

Slowly he followed her in, "I thought you and Seth would have got back together by now."

"Don't tell me he's sent you to -"

"No, I just thought, y'know, Seth and Summer forever?"

Summer sat down on her bed, pulling her legs up to her chest and giving him the once over, he noticed her eyes were red and slightly puffy from crying.

"I guess I felt too guilty to ever be with him again, after what happened." She looked him straight in the eye for quite a long without saying anything.

Then to Ryan's surprise, she stood abruptly and turned away from, choking out a sob.

"Summer?" He took a few steps towards her, but she moved further away.

"So, Marissa's been talking to you has she?" Ryan didn't answer and a moment later, Summer turned around to face him again, anger now flashing in her teary eyes, "I thought she could keep a secret!"

"Don't make this about Marissa."

"Oh, Marissa, Marissa, Marissa!" Summer spat.

"She's your friend, she's concerned… she didn't know who she was telling."

"Yeah, she doesn't know what scum I am. To sleep with her ex boyfriend… Seth's fucking brother! And get herself knocked up!" Summer's voice lowered as another sob overcame her, "She didn't know she was telling you you're going to be a dad."

They stood like that for a long time before Ryan moved to the bed and took a seat. "So, Marissa said you couldn't go through with getting rid of it?"

"Why? Do you want me to get rid of it?" She asked, looking at him distastefully.

"Summer, that's not what I meant… How come you didn't come to me about this?"

"How could I? We said we'd never speak of what happened -"

"- I'm sure we could have made an exception."

Summer shrugged. "well, since I couldn't go through with today, I would've told you when I felt ready."

"You really would have done that, got rid of it and not told me?"

She shook her head, "I don't think I would have ever been able to get rid of it, I just tried 'cause, well, I wanted to get my life back. Marissa suggested it, I just saw it as… well, I don't know,… But, it's a life. It's my baby's life, I couldn't do that to my baby."

"Our baby."

"How can you be like this, Ryan? How can you be so calm?"

He shrugged, "I don't know… maybe it's not sunk in yet."

"I'm sorry I wasn't the one who told you, that you found out how you did. I'm sorry I didn't come to you when I first found out."

"I'm sorry I didn't put a condom on."

Summer snorted, and shot him a small smile, "'Cause that was an appropriate moment to have that revelation."

He smirked back at her, "made you smile, didn't it."

She smiled again, "I haven't smiled in a long time."


	3. Chapter 3

Ryan watched form his position on his bed as Summer strolled into the pool house.

"I think we need to talk again." Summer sat down on the end of his bed, pulling her legs up as well and crossing them.

Ryan propped himself up with a pillow and looked across at her.

"Sunk in yet?" She asked.

He nodded, "Didn't get much sleep."

"So," she started, "what are we going to do?"

He shrugged, "there's only one thing we can do. Neither of us want to get rid of it right?" Summer nodded, "and do you want to give it up for adoption?"

Summer shook her head, "I don't want anyone else to bring up my baby. I need to know by baby is safe. And more than that; I need to know my baby."

Ryan gave her a small smile, "hello mommy Summer."

Summer looked at the bed covers, "what about… what are you -"

"I'll be there every step of the way, Summer." He said honestly.

She looked up at him and tears began to crawl down her face, "really? Because I can't do this without you, I really can't."

He opened his arms for her and she scrambled forward into his embrace.

"We're gonna be okay. I'm gonna look after us."

"Thank you, Ryan," she sniffled into his chest. "I never would've thought we'd be here."

"Me neither."

Ryan had just finished telling the story to Sandy and Kirsten. He had never seen the two of them look so disappointed.

"It bothers me you got someone pregnant. It bothers me you don't seem that bothered that you have ruined all the plans for collage. But do you want to know what bothers me the most?" Kisten asked when Ryan finally locked eyes with her.

"Kirsten -" Sandy tried to interrupt.

"You know how Seth feels about that girl. He thinks of you as his brother and you have betrayed him." Kisten stood and walked out of the room without looking back, "God help you with your guilt when he finds out."

"Sandy?" Ryan looked hopefully at his surrogate father, hoping to have some sympathy.

"I am disappointed in you Ryan. But, you didn't mean for this to happen. You're a good kid. Kirsten will come around eventually, I wish you better luck with Seth, I hope he is more brotherly towards you in forgiving you than you have been towards him. I will help you get a place somewhere, and I will pay for the rent until you get a job. You can't go to collage anymore, Ryan. Not with a family to support."

Ryan nodded, "I know, thank you Sandy."

Sandy nodded, "Summer's a great girl, I had hoped she and Seth would have reconciled," he smiled thoughtfully, "I like the fire in that girl, I thought she'd make a good Cohen."

"Would she make a good Atwood?"

Sandy raised his eyebrows, "you're going to propose? After one night that was a mistake?"


	4. Chapter 4

Ryan waited, stony faced in the hospital waiting room, Sandy was talking with a nurse a few steps away, trying to get more information on Summer.

The events of the last hour flooded, Ryan's mind. Telling the Cohen's, Kirsten's cold manner, Sandy's disappointment but understanding, Ryan had begun to believe that what he had told Summer about looking after them hadn't just been a lie, that he might actually be able to cope…

Then she had called. His world had come crashing down.

After the phone call, Sandy had drove like a mad-man to get them to the Roberts residence. They had found Summer outside, her white pants covered with blood. It was as if God had played a cruel joke, making Summer wear white pants to illustrate the harsh difference between red and white. The blood seemed to stand out so boldly against the white, etching into Ryan's mind for eternity.

Neil Roberts, Summer's father, had been with her when they arrived - a doctor, thankfully. He had managed to get her to calm down and given her something to help with the cramping he said she had been moaning about when he had come outside to her.

The ambulance had seemed like it took forever to come, but when it did they had whisked Summer and her father away. Sandy had ushered Ryan back into the car and once again drove like a mad-man after the ambulance.

Now Ryan was doing his best to wait patiently for news on Summer and his baby.

To calm himself down, he thought of the baby and Summer. And how he felt, and he realised that above everyone's disappointment and shock, that they would have been happy as a little family. He hoped that they still would have that chance.

"Ryan," Sandy put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, Ryan looked up and Sandy nodded towards something in the other direction; Neil Roberts had just appeared through two double doors.

Ryan stood, and Sandy followed a step behind for support as Ryan came closer.

"So, you're the father?" Dr Roberts asked, an eyebrow raised as he looked Ryan up and down.

"I am, yes."

Dr Roberts smirked, "a drunken one night stand - I mistakenly thought better of my daughter."

"Cut the bullshit, Neil. Tell the kid what he wants to know."

"They're both going to be fine. Summer will have to stay in hospital to be monitored for some time, but for now, they are both fine."

Ryan finally breathed in relief, as Dr Roberts began to walk away. "Wait a minute," he called to Summer's father, "there are some questions that I want to ask you."

Dr. Roberts stopped and turned back. "What questions?"

"What the fuck did you do to her to have this happen?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Excuse me, what exactly do you mean by that?" Dr. Roberts was a failry tall guy and within a few strides he was in front of Ryan, and he seemed bigger than Ryan had thought, but he didn't flinch.

"I have a feeling Summer didn't just start magically bleeding on her own." Ryan stated, staring Dr. Roberts straight in the eye.

"Ryan, you can't go and acuse someone of - well, whatever it is you are acusing him of," cam from Sandy behind him.

"Get out of my face kid." Dr. Roberts made a move to turn and walk away, but Ryan grabbed his shoulder.

"Tell me, Dr. Roberts. Were you so disgraced by your daughter you were kicking her out? Did you push her at all?" Dr. Roberts just stared at Ryan. "Her suitcase was lying on the floor outside your house when we got there, clothes were falling out of it. You kicked her out didn't you? And even if you didn't do it by meaning to - by actually physically kicking her out, I bet you didn't help her with her suitcase, did you, Doctor?"

Dr. Roberts looked to the ground. Sandy pulled Ryan's arm, guiding him away, and Neil Roberts saw his oppertunity and made his escape walking quickly away.

"Not denying it are you?" Ryan called after him.

"Ryan, even if he did kick her out then it's not his fault -" Sandy began.

"Not helping a pregnant girl with her suitcase - a highly emotional pregnant girl - a pregnant girl carrying his first granddchild? He may as well have physically kicked her out."

Ryan couldn't be more eager to see someone in his life, when the doctor came and said he was about to explain to Summer what had happened, she had requested he be there too.

Ryan walked into the room and found Summer's gaze straight away, "Ryan," she said his name in a small, vunerable voice, but the relief was also noticable, glad he was there and that she was not on her own.

He moved quickly towards the bed and clasped her smaller hand in his as he sat down next to her. Opening his soul as he looked at her, hoping his eyes could convey all he felt, "it's okay. I'm here."

She nodded, and then turned to the Doctor, "okay, tell us what you can."

"Ok, I'm going to try and explain this the simplest way I can; but we have done an ultrasound and the baby is around 13 weeks old and alive, for the moment." Ryan squeezed Summer's hand tighter, he couldn't believe it was only yesterday he discovered she was pregnant with his baby, only this morning when they had decided to keep it, only a few hours ago that he told Sandy and Kirsten - hell, he hadn't even explained to Seth and Marissa yet and there was already a risk he might lose it.

"We have done a blood test to detect placental hormonal levels, you have a low level which indicates that there is a high risk of miscarriage. Unfortunatley, there is nothing we can do other than suggest you stay here to be monitored over the next few days and when we release you, you carry on with bed rest. We will be giving you iron supplements to boost your haemoglobin level. I'll leave you and give this time to sink in, please get one of the nurses to call me if you have any questions." the Doctor leaned forward and gently touched Summer's shoulder, "there's a chance your baby will be born absoloultley healthy, I know it's silly for me to say, but try not to worry too much, it wont help."

He excited quickly and quietly leaving Summer and Ryan alone. After a few minutes of silence and hand clutching, Summer turned to Ryan; "I was so scared, Ryan."

He reached and took her other hand in his, so he held both tightly, "I talked to your dad. He told me what happened."

Summer looked down, "he pratically man-handled me out of the house, and throwing the suitcase at me... I knew the second it hit, it hurt our baby... he didn't mean it though, Ryan, he was just upset with me."

"I knew it."

"What?"

"I acused him of such, well, not actually doing anything physically to you, just adding to your emotional state by kicking you out and I told him I didn't think he was the type of person to have helped you with your suitcase... so he did hurt you?"

Summer shook her head, "no... yes... oh I don't know."

"You don't know, Summer?" Ryan realised he spoke rather harshly, and softened his tone, "How can you not know?"

"He's my dad, Ryan." Ryan's blood boiled again for her father.

"This is **your** **baby, **Sum." He paused, taking a breath, "if he did something to hurt your baby - our baby..."

"He didn't do anything really, he wouldn't have done anything if he had known what would have happened - he wouldn't have hurt me, hurt my baby on purpose."

"So, tell me what happened?"

"I told him about our one night stand, about being pregnant, wanting to keep the baby and he went ballistic. He told me to get upstairs and pack, walked me up the stairs with him and put a suitcase on my bed. He didn't say anything while I threw as many clothes in as I could then when it was nealry full, he reached for it half zipped it up and grabbed my arm and marched me down the stairs. He put the suitcase next to me at the bottom of the stairs, in the hallway and told me to leave, opened the door for me and waited. So I picked it up and I froze. I couldn't move, so he half-pushed me out. I made it down the driveway and then I had a cramp and as I put the suitcase down to ring you... I noticed the blood... I don't really remember much else..."

Ryan nodded, "you were in shock, you didn't make much sense on the phone. First you asked me to come get you, quite normally, then you started rambling about telling your dad and blood and asking me to come get you again and again and sobbing... you couldn't have scared me more."

He studied her for a moment, "the Doctor said not to worry yourself over this, you look tired. Try and sleep for me OK?" She nodded, but a second later, gasped, Causing Ryan to jump up "what is it? What hurts?"

Summer shook her head, "sorry, nothing hurts... just, we haven't told Seth and Marissa yet. Maybe tomorrow, you'll have to get them to come here and then we can," she saw Ryan was shaking his head, "tell them then. Why are you shaking your head?"

"If you think I'm going to let you subject yourself to any more stressful situations you've got another thing coming. I'll deal with Marissa and Seth, don't you even think about it. They may see what we did as terrible, but we were with neither of them at the time, drunk and lonely and they will have to just get over it. If they are our true friends they will, no matter how much they think we have wronged them." He stroked her hair, "I think Marissa will come around quickest, you guys were friends long before I came, she'll call you on your mistake, but she'll forgive you for it."

"Seth will be harder." Summer stated.

Ryan nodded in agreement, "he took me in as his brother and I have got the only girl he ever loved pregnant - I also think he still expects you two will be together again one day, thats why its going to be so hard. He'll have to admit that will never happen."

Ryan leaned forward and kissed her cheek, "get some sleep, if you can."

Summer gave him a weak smile, "thats going to be hard."

"You're strong Summer, yu can get through this, I know you will."

"You'll stay?"

"Of course."


End file.
